Thursday, May 26, 2011

Letter to My Car

Dear '02 CRV,

You've always been my favorite. No, really. Well, after the dreams of VW Bug, Mini Cooper, and '57 Chevy, but those are behind me, now, I promise. You are the only car for me.
So why on earth do you insist on making life difficult, dear vehicle?
I've never let you run out of gas, and I do my best to keep you tidy. I even give you a little window scrub every time we stop by the gas station just to keep you beautiful. I always bring you to necessary check-ups and oil changes without hesitation. I've even gifted your windshield with a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 decal to let everyone know just how cool you are.
A year ago, you decided to give me the silent treatment. You isolated yourself from the remote, deciding you needed to be an individual, and I had to unlock you with the key instead. Your alarm never went off, not once. I saw it as aging gracefully, dear lil Honda. Apparently not.
When you realized that the silent treatment was not giving you what you wanted, you decided to start screaming at me randomly. In public. How un-embarrassing. I love having everyone stare at me as they observe me breaking into and stealing my own car. Not.
Sometimes, it's if I unlock the passenger door, first. Other times it's the drivers side. Sometimes, it's not until I flip the "unlock" switch so I can load my groceries in the back seat. Today, you started shrieking when I got OUT of the car . . . as in you had been running with all the doors unlocked, I turned you off, opened a door, and you went car-banshee on me.
Seriously?! Really, dear, these games need to stop. You still haven't made up with the remote, and we need to work on that. I'll find a good counselor if you need, or maybe just a new battery.
I'll pamper you a bit more, if you need, but please, understand, while I'm at this apartment, I'm limited to shaking out the rugs and window scrubs at 7-11.

So please, for the love of God. SHUT. UP.

The person who keeps you running


  1. hahaha

    Car alarms are the most obnoxious noises ever. There is one by my house that goes off every. single. day. At the same time. After reading this maybe I'll be a little more forgiving towards them. Because maybe it's not them. Maybe it's their car. (But it's probably them.) (And it's not you, it's your car.)

  2. You always know how to make me laugh!! I love reading your posts and I hope you and your reconcile soon :)

  3. I drive a CRV too!

    I died reading about your car going all banshee on you...Lord almighty. Isn't that just the most mortifying?!

  4. This post made me smile. I think I could write a similar post to our large Suburban -- although it would have a different lament. :)

    Thanks for praying for my Samuel these past couple days. I am really grateful.



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