Awkward Soap Box, Lips, and What's in a Name?

Have you ever noticed the peculiar labels on certain *ahem* products?
In the drugstore, one happened to catch my eye, reading “Proven Pregnancy Protection.” What? Is pregnancy a disease now?
“What’s up with you?”
“Ugh, sorry. I’ve been stricken with a bad case of the infant-producing flu.”
"Dude! Don't give it to me! Keep your baby flu to yourself!"

Or . . . maybe pregnancy is a weapon now . . .
"AH!!! BABY BOMBS!!! It's a good thing I have these, or I would be a goner! Phew!"

See what I mean?

How about “Family Planning Approved”? At least that has a more positive connotation and makes it sound like you’re attempting responsibility in fertility and not avoiding leprosy or an explosion of weaponous children.
Right?
And I’m off my awkward soap box now.

Note to self:

• Never again tell hubs you’ve bought new all-natural chapstick that you’re really excited about.
  One, the man could care less, even if it does make your lips “kissably soft,” devoid of most chemicals, and, oh yeah, makes you smell like fresh lemon bars (um, yum!)
  Two, He’ll respond with, ‘You know, chapstick and I aren’t really on the best of terms” and then he’ll wipe off your kisses like he’s six again.
  Really?
  Really.
• Also, try not to mention that the fact that a paint color has a pretty name is a plus. He’ll laugh at you. I’m sorry, I can’t help it that I like words, and some words sound prettier together than others. Bottom line, if it’s a lovely color, that’s all that REALLY matters, yes . . . but wouldn’t you rather say, “I painted my room Moonlit Pool” than “Yeah, I chose to paint it Stinky Swamp Barf Fungus.”
  I mean, come on: you wouldn’t want to admit you chose Stinky Swamp Barf Fungus, would you?
  
  . . .  Now I really wonder what a color with a name like that would look like . . .