Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Pfft, you can keep your fireworks. I have pie.

So . . . Tomorrow’s the Fourth of July . . . Huzzah!

As a kid, that meant swimsuits, barbecue, watermelon, and FIREWORKS (ok, really fireworks is all it meant . . .). As a married adult, it suddenly means, “Ok, whose barbecue do we go to first? What do I wear? Do I still fit into my swimsuit? Can I even FIND the blasted thing because I’ve been hiding it for so long? No, really, honey, your parents or mine, first?” And, of course, the most important thought, “WHAT DELICIOUSNESS AM I BRINGING???”

I realized early on that I had married into a family of baking-from-scratch-and-it’s-always-awesome family . . . and I barely knew how to make spaghetti. Let’s be honest, I didn’t even realize there were people outside Little House on the Prairie who made their own pie crusts. And I marry into this family of great cooks, and here I am, with my boxed pound cake, wilting inside.
Oh, self-esteem, thou art shriveled.

With all this in mind, deciding what to bring to family events is never really easy . . . Still, somehow, each time, I manage to figure SOMETHING out . . . and, maybe times, it's a success.

Due to scheduling, the hubs volunteered to go by the grocery store to pick up Fourth-Meals supplies while I made dinner tonight. He politely requested I email him a list . . . and, by George! I did! I am ridiculously proud of it . . .Even if it is only evidence of my own boredom _________________________________________________________________________________

Subject: The List that shall make ye drool with wonder


Good sir:
You will find here a list of munchables that, with their powers combined, create dishes powerful and wonderful to behold, striking fear, awe, love, and hope into the hearts of all humankind. I request that you please retrieve these seemingly insignificant ingredients so as to provide a canvas for my culinary creation of epicness.
The inner Lordship She-That-Be-Large demands it.



Behold! Within the cake and condiment aisle, ye shall find!
- 3 Oreo Pie Crusts – if these be unavailable, skip the blasphemous “chocolate” crust—tis a fake and a poor excuse for a pie! Instead, buy two packs of Oreos, and I shall crush them myself, molding them to my wishes.
- 1- 7 oz jar of marshmallow fluff
- 1 – 3 oz box of white chocolate pudding mix
- 1 LARGE bag of powdered sugar
Within the cookie and cracker aisle, ye must seek out!
- 1 package of oreos, no more, no less . . . unless the above pie crust is missing, then make it, three, three, my lord!

Within the frozen dessert aisle, that tempting wasteland of pure goodness and expanding waistlines, ye shall discover!
- 3 – 8 oz tubs of cool whip (seek not the lowfat temptress, that nonsense which makes pies runny and dip a wasted goo)

And, coming to the aisle nearest the cheeses, ye shall encounter!
- 2 – 8 oz packages of cream cheese (again, seek not the mockeries, that fatless abomination)
- 1 – 8oz package of strawberry cream cheese

At last, ye shall come to the last sacred place of seeking and devouring, the PRODUCE AISLE!!!
Seek for yeself the berries of choice.

Return these unto me and BEHOLD MINE POWER!!!! IN PLACE OF A DARK LORD, YOU SHALL SET UP A QUEEN AS BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN!!! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!!!!!!!!!

Your quest is before you, list-bearer. Do not fail me.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Seriously, was I bored or was I bored?

The items in question?


Strawberry-Orange Fruit Dip

Pioneer Woman's Peanut Butter Pie



Oreo Pudding Pie

It’s going to be a sweet, sweet Fourth.

2 comments:

  1. I wonder what you took to your Fourth Of July picnic... SOOOO many options to choose from on Pinterest, but they don't always work. Not handy when you need a tried and true recipe. Hope your day is great!

    (I thought the banner photo of your feet was so cute!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Baking from scratch is a major battle. My mother did tons of scratch-cooking growing up but not as much on the baking front. Hence my efforts at attempting to master pie, cake, etc. We need some snaps/a verdict on the end result!

    ReplyDelete

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