Thursday, April 19, 2012

“I suppose the best kind of spring morning is the best weather God has to offer.” ― Dodie Smith

Florida is one of those odd places where spring starts in February and moves into summer by April, at the latest May, and it will remain summertime until November.
And by "summertime" I mean sunny over 90 degrees in heavy humidity (what is this thing you call "dry heat?") that has you sweating and exhausted even making a trek from the parking lot into the mall, yes, even if you are in shape. It's oppressive, peeps.

So far, the air is just now beginning to feel hot and thick.  Our pretty 70-80 degree weather is fading fast.  I was a dunce and missed most of the pretty blossoms (we do have plants that burst into bloom in February that are vaguely reminiscent of happenings up North . . . vaguely), but managed to catch some flowers that surprised me.

 Behold the little lilies that could! They made my heart happy!
After failing to catch my dozen azalea bushes in all their blooming glory (darn it!), I wasn't go to miss these little guys :]

Other things come with spring besides the heat and the buds: the bugs. They are swarming. The cockroaches are awake again, those vile demons from hell itself.  I found one trapped in my bedroom trashcan the other night.
"You need to be asleep!"
"I can't!!!"
"There's a roach in the trashcan! Kill it! Kill the bloody little assassin!"
"Sarah, go to sleep!"
"I can't! I can hear it scuttling around! It's evil! You can't sleep with evil in the room."
So I huddled with my dingo until Chris could squish it.

Then there's this guy:

Remember the Godfather Spider?
Yeah, he's back. 
His fat, bloated orangey, quarter-sized, ugly body perches itself on a MASSIVE web beside my door on almost a nightly basis. The web itself stretches about four feet from my house wall to a nearby bush and is wide enough to almost trap me for lunch. It's terrifying. Luckily, it's beside my door and not in front of it. Apparently, he remembers what happens when you put yourself in FRONT of my door (ANNIHILATION!!!). I allow his new arachnid-condominium to exist because he eats nasties, stays out of my way, and cleans up his web by morning.
He was there every night like clockwork for about two weeks, but his visits are becoming less and less frequent. Either he's found better hunting grounds or was killed by those less sympathetic to his web-wielding cause.

A few night's ago, Chris caught me having a conversation outside the door.
"Sarah, who are you talking to?"
"Do you see that wolf spider?" I pointed to a spindly creature the size of my palm near my step.
"I wanted to make sure we had an understanding. He can be there, but he can't come near my feet or in this house or else he will die a brutal death.  He seems to get the picture and let me come to the door without charging."
"Uuuuh . . . ok."

When I walked up to my step (it's not really big enough to justify being called a "porch") this beast was huddled by the wall, and I had to make a decision: flee, stay paralyzed and scream for Chris, attempt to squish it before it crawled onto my foot and then hope I can get his guts off of my favorite shoes, or let him know who's boss and go right up to my door. I chose the latter . . . but only after making severe threats and then darting to the door in a panic, one eye fixed on him from over my shoulder. He was a compliant little (er huge) bug . . . for a bug.

Sometimes, I have to talk through my fear . . . with my fear.  I don't make a habit of talking to bugs . . . usually I just kill them, but I can appreciate a good spider only in the context that they eat roaches. I'll take a hideous demon-eater over the demon any day.


  1. You are far more compassion that I. I cannot even handle those photos of that spider. He would be dead in .02 seconds. Hopefully a bird got him. I can't even handle it! Evan has been a spider killing machine lately in our house. I'm not one of those people who believes in letting spiders and infested bugs go free outside.

    But your lilies are pretty!

  2. Okay, that is the scariest spider I have EVER, EVER seen.

    That being said, when I was dragging planters into our house to re-pot our seedlings, I accidentally unleashed a huge one in our living room and simply did not have the hands or time to kill it.


  3. So glad to see you back blogging! I always love reading.

    Love your little family.

  4. I would absolutely be freaking out at the wolf spider, even if he was 10ft from me. You are such a brave girl ;) What is up with your hubby being able to sleep with a roach in the can? Aaahh I can't even imagine!

    Love the humorous way you write Sarah! And love the lillies :)


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