Life has been weird. Good stuff, bad stuff, stuff I've tried writing about and then wondering if it should be just mine or for all of you, too. I can't decide. Maybe now it's just for me, but I'm sure you'll hear something of it one day. Let's just say that life is not easy. For the first time in my life, I have little control of my own fate and it is unnerving.
But that doesn't mean that life is all bad or that we don't find love and joys in it. When things get hard, no matter how much you want to pull away, you have to hold even tighter. It's rough and humbling and sometimes the opposite of what you want to do, but you need to it. To hold on to each other and to the truths you hold dear.
Because life goes on and the story isn't over, yet.Thank goodness.
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The visual summation of our relationship . . .
Okay, so this past weekend, we volunteered at a community outreach event. My job? Help set up a Photobooth tent and play photographer for any visitors and volunteers. So much fun! |
I have all these post ideas running through my brain, some about life, some random thoughts, some getting back to my English major roots (are you ready for some character analysis??? Really?! Me too!! HUZZAH!!!). It's just all over the place.
I write them in my head, you see, while I'm doing the dishes and jamming to Florence and the Machine, and, I tell you what, they sound great. Then I sit down at my computer, and, golly, what was I going to say again? Has anyone invented like a thought-capture app? Maybe I should just narrate into a tape recorder or something and then transcribe it . . . or hire one of those court-room typists like that movie "
Alex and Emma" (P.S. If you haven't seen this movie, go out and rent it now--SO CUTE).
I suppose, to some degree, I've been more absent, because, gosh and golly folks, I kinda have a life now. ISN'T THAT BIZARRE?!
I mean, really, I still can't fathom it.
After eight months where walking the dog was the major highlight of my day, I almost have a life. I'm still not working (I've decided to try to job-hunt, for the time being, as soon as we get this surgery thing sorted and accomplished . . . I have never been so eager to have someone cut me up and dice me open, but, hey, let's just get this crap over with, right?), but we have made friends. No, really, we have.
Friends who like us . . . who like call me up out of the blue and are like, "Hey, let's do something in an hour!" So I rush to put on a real bra and out the door I go. It keeps me on my toes . . . and motivates me to clean the house more often. Nothing maintains a tidy kitchen like the fear of filthy exposure . . . or something. It's so foreign to me. Back in Florida, I had coworkers who were pals, but we were both pretty busy and lived across town from each other, so get-togethers outside of work were rare. Other than that, we had family. Family can definitely contain friends, but it's different. I can't explain it, but it is. But now there are these people--people my own age, a few of them nerds, even--who want to see us. Like outside our mid-week church group and Sunday services.
Last weekend, we had two couples over, and do you know what we did? Drank wine and ate fancy cheese on fruit like real, flippin, classy grown-ups. I mean, really when did this happen?
This weekend, I'm hosting a girls night with wine, dessert, and gourmet pizza with fruit and other oddities on it (why is it that fancy, grown-up foods must always combine fruits and cheese? Probably because it's awesome and it just took me until 26 to realize it). While we're being the grown-up kind of girly, the guys are heading out to go blow things up and cook red meat at a friend's place.
When did this happen? How?
Because it's kind of awesome.
To have friends.
We had both forgotten how awesome companionship feels. It's such a blessing, especially with all the stress and the mess that's been going on in our lives--the move, work, the miscarriage, just all of it. Chris told me that these new relationships are one of the main things really keeping him from trying to move back east.
Because we had forgotten.
And now we remember what it feels like--to be wanted, accepted, to have someone smile and shout your name from across a room, to sit down at a dinner table with more than just us, to talk to other minds and hear other voices besides our own. To have that human contact--that connection--that all humans were made for.
We had forgotten.
Now we remember.
And it brings us smiles even when it's hard.
Now, I need to go to bed so I can wake up super early and finish the laundry before anyone drops by . . .
More blog posts to come, I promise!
You few that stick with me, thank you SO much! Love you and can't wait to read more of your blogs, as well!
Have an awesome weekend, lovelies!
