Tuesday, October 15, 2013


Peeps, since our last little chat, I finally got my surgery scheduled.
Isn't that a nasty word? "Surgery." It sounds like something slicing away. We always associate it with some sharp, some dire situation.
I have to stress the word MINOR when I have to explain why I'll be missing from group activities and Bible study on Wednesday. Otherwise, people look at me like I'm preparing to light my own funeral pyre. Not that I don't understand--if someone said, to me, that she were going into surgery, I might look at her the same way--surprised, concerned, care, all of those things decent humans feel for the other facing pain, but it's a bit embarrassing to be on the receiving end.  They tell me that I will WALK out of the hospital the same day I'm admitted, that I won't even need stitches. No, they're going to glue me back together like bits of paper. Tiny incisions, I won't even have battle scars, really, though they warned me there may be nasty bruising some time later.

I'll go under, the scope will go in, they make a small incision in my side, and cut out my little dermoid, then I'm glued back together, wake up, and I leave. It's as simple as that, they tell me.

Well, and, you know, the "bowel prep" the day before--today. Doesn't that just sound awful? Basically, I can have nothing--absolutely NOTHING--but fluids until midnight tonight, after which I may consume nothing at all. it makes sense--it really does. But golly . . . I really really REALLY want the homemade soup I have in the fridge. Or the leftover pizza. Or just . . . . you know, food.
Food IS good people. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise because, if ANYONE says food is bad, they're mentally unstable. I mean, really, mad to the maddest degree.

Food is awesome.

I miss food. It's been nineteen hours since I saw you last. Mmmmm food. We need to get back together sometime. Hopefully soon. REALLY soon.

In other news, Downton Abbey is kind of perfect for days like this. Mostly because you know they're preparing and eating food, but you can't really see it. Every time I watch something like Supernatural, I want a cheeseburger. Darn it, Dean! YOU AND YOUR DELICIOUS CHEESEBURGERS!!!! -_-

If for some bizarre reason I don't come out of this alive, I want this to be the image people remember.
Or, you know, maybe not but . . . yeah, maybe this one.
And I request a Viking-style funeral.
Unless, you know, I come out of this alive and unscathed, which they tell me is very, VERY likely.
So much for an adventurous surgery, right? 


I just got off the phone with my doctor and, apparently, there was an issue with a blood test result. Again, NOTHING MAJOR, they say, but they don't want to operate and want to send me to a specialist.  Basically this means that, again, my life has been put on hold.
As it has been since the miscarriage in June.
This was our last step, our final step, to being fully physically recovered, the last phase before the greenlight.
And now we're waiting again.
I know there's a purpose and a reason in all of this, but I would be lying to you if I said I weren't crying or filled with disappointment. I suppose it's better than a mess on an operating table, but part of me wants to call the doctor back and scream, "I"m willing to risk it! Just, please, finish this so I can move on with my life!"
But I can't because they won't.

She tried to perk me up by saying, "Well, you can eat now."
I don't have the appetite.
Not only am I filled with laxatives, but now I just feel sick in spirit. And no pints of my favorite ice cream can fix that. Not right now. Maybe tomorrow.


  1. Oh no!! I'm so sorry about the "update" part. Once you already have your mind set on it and you're planning for everything to finally be over...that's so hard to hear!

  2. Oh Sarah! I am so sorry to hear you are on hold again! I know it does not compare in any way to what you are going through but we have been struggling with a similar issue. Wanting it to just be over, and yet now we wait (again) until Tuesday. I pray that this time, THIS. TIME. it is over...for me and for you my sweet friend. Much love and prayers are being sent your way!

  3. Thank you so much for your prayers--we so appreciate it! I pray your situation is over soon, as well!!! Keep us posted!

  4. So so sucks you have been put on hold again, you poor thing. I am similar in another way.. I need surgery because i have Endometrosis. But my doctor wants me to slim down a bit first, ok fine like that is the simplest thing in the freaking world right..never mind the pain

    I really hope it gets all sorted for you soon, and everything gets back on track. Sending love and prayers your way.

  5. Jasmine, thank you so much!
    I hope you and your doctor are able to get things worked out, as well. I've heard about how hard Endometriosis is--I'm so sorry! :( It stinks that they won't just fix it. Ugh. Prayers for you, too :)

    I hope this comment shows up properly ... Commenting from my mobile and things just never want to work properly from the phone .... Boo ....

  6. Jasmine, thank you so much!
    hope you and your doctor are able to get things worked out, as well.
    I've heard about how hard Endometriosis is--I'm so sorry! :( It stinks
    that they won't just fix it. Ugh. Prayers for you, too :)


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