Friday, May 29, 2015

In which we make our exodus . . . .

In my last post, I ended on the note that, while I was sick beyond reason, our incubating, tiny person was healthy and growing well.
Due to an employment complication and lack of new employment options, we decided to take the job back in Florida and live, once again, on the East Coast. Unlike our last big move, we decided to drive rather than fly.
So our little Ford Escape was packed to the brim with luggage, our three furballs, and a fish.
Also, Puke Can--my faithful rubbish bin companion, catcher of undesirable bodily fluids.

Luckily, I recorded the highlights of every day on Facebook, so I could remember more than just sitting in the car, praying my nausea meds worked.

And so, our six day journey began.

First, we consume the biggest creme-filled doughnut EVER.
And I mean, EVER.
God bless the San Juan Bautista Bakery . . .
For really reals
The set-up.
Every night Chris unloaded every piece of luggage (our suitcases, pet food, litterbox, and computers), and every morning he reloaded it.
Like a champion.

Adventures Day One:
1. Hold all plans loosely. Especially timed plans. Because they just don't work ......
2. After In-n-Out, all other fast food is bitterly disappointing
3. The pets handle the vagabond life surprisingly well.
4. Chris saw a badger for the first time. He then accidentally ran over it with the car. Victory and tragedy all at once.
5. I saw a roadrunner. Coyote nowhere in sight.

We made the cats wear harnesses so it made it more difficult for them to dart away.
Pipkin was quite unhappy, but between yowling, managed to find contentment in constant petting.
Navi, however, was viciously plotting our demise.

 Adventuring Day Two:
1. I am shocked the 120 degrees heatwave that is Southern California doesn't turn every person there into human bacon. It's ridiculous

2. Elk are FLIPPIN huge. I mean, not moose-sized, but scoot over, Bambi--they put you to shame, pipsqueak.
3. There is an actual spot in Arizona called "Holy Moses Wash." I think I'm going to turn it into a regular exclamation.
4. Everyone drives infuriatingly UNDER the speed limit when you're trying to get somewhere in a hurry. Especially if that "somewhere" is the Grand Canyon and daylight is fading.
5. Everyone looks ridiculous taking selfies, but none of is care any more because we're too busy taking our own to notice.
6. So, we didn't get the "Grand Canyon Experience" we planned, but we did get to see it up close and personal.
7. At sunset. Holy Moses Wash. Crap.          


Adventuring Day Three:
1. As we prepare to enter the Petrified Forest, Chris decides we should check out a gift shop. Since he is more the souveniring type, I let him shop while I stay in the car with the pets. He returns saying, "If rock-collecting child you could time travel, she would do it just to kick you for not going in that store."
2. So I go in. My inner child sat down in the middle of the shop crying for the beauty and price of it. So many pretty rocks. My outer adult simply sent panicked text messages until I gave into a very dramatic inner child.
3. The Petrified Forest looks absolutely nothing like a forest but is gorgeous anyways. It made the sweltering heat worth it.
4. Arizona and New Mexico (NM especially) are WAY prettier than Southern California.
5. But desert towns are entirely depressing. No one's bothered to give them make overs since the 1950s, and not the charming kind of 1950s. It's the kind that moans, "Why why WHYYYYYYYY am I still here?! Just knock me down and kill me already."
6. Cats, apparently, can only take two days of the car before they get cabin fever and start to go bonkers.
7. Dogs, however, do just dandy. Because, they are, after all, dogs, and dogs think just about everything is awesome.
8. Fish are fish. They have nothing to say on the matter.
9. Headaches suck. They make you go to bed early, in pain and grump, and you forget to let Facebook know you're alive. Don't panic, anyone, we're still here.

Adventuring Day Four:
1. New Mexico is formally known as "The Land of Enchantment." However, according to the Outback takeout fellow: "Dude, never move to New Mexico. If you're born here, you never leave. It's the Land of Entrapment."
2. Realizing said fellow didn't give us utensils, we decide to eat with our hands. As Chris lifts his dropping steak, he states, "This is how meat was meant to be eaten."
3. Texas roads are loud. Really, really loud ...... >.<
4. So much driiiiiiiiiiiiviiiiiiiiiiiiiing ....                           
5. How to Prevent Falling Asleep While Driving: bring up a highly controversial topic that segues into other controversial topics and cordially debate for three hours. Better than energy drinks, peeps.
6. All out of regular hotel rooms and can only offer us a very affordable junior executive suite? Aw, well I guess that just MIGHT be acceptable ...
7. But do we get a discount for the domestic dispute that led to an arrest in the room next door?

New Mexico was GORGEOUS

Adventuring Day Five:
1. At 2:00 AM, our hotel room became the scene of an attempted murder.
A cat had knocked the fish in his jar off the end table.
2. Chris arrived on the scene and administered fish CPR.
Just kidding, he put the fish in more water, but only after chasing my cat around the hotel room in fury.
3. The fish survived. Chris celebrated muchly. If you want a hardy fish, I recommend betta. We just can't kill this sucker.
4. Lots and lots of driving from Texas to Louisiana. There is a distinct moment when you leave the prairie and enter "The South." Mainly trees suddenly appear. Lots of them. And bodies of water. And alligators. >.<
5. Also lots of wondering what "fresh cracklins" is ..... Spoiler: it's fried animal fat.
6. Spending the evening with my lovely friend from college, Mary who was a fantastic hostess, offering us a home-cooked meal and allowing our pets to run amok in her home. She even let Pipkin knead all the blankets. Thank you again so much, Mary!!!!
7. Discovering we were not the only guests in our hotel room. Luckily, we met the previous boarders before settling in. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in my life, I met bed bugs.
We let them keep the bed to themselves and promptly left.
8. Shasta knew something was up. She took a crap in the middle of the room first thing. She never does that.
And, yes, we cleaned it up before running away.
9. After inquiring of several hotels at the Mississippi/Alabama border (never ever EVER again--the definition of "sketchy," folks), Chris FINALLY found us a bed bug free hotel room, and all was right with the world.

Adventuring Day Six:
1. The cats are officially more than sick of their harnesses. They are all too well aware of the new morning routine and hide under the bed as soon as we start packing.
Of course, it's under the very middle of the bed just out of reach, where they glare at us until we manage to grab them, harness them, and they collapse and give up on life.
2. We swear one of cats is now addicted to her "calming treats." She goes in berserk begging for them. "I'm jonesin' for a fix, man! Come on!"
3. Met up with two other college buddies for lunch. Emily and Georgia, it's been way too long! We need to see each other more often than once every five years -.^
4. When sleeping upright, I apparently wake myself by snoring suddenly. Super attractive.
5. Me: "Have I ever surprised you?"
Chris: "Meh, once or twice."
Me: "Seriously?! When??"
Chris: "When you open your mouth."
5. Steak n Shake.
That is all.
6. WE ARRIVE IN OUR NEW HOME!!!! Hallelujah!
It's oveeeeeeeeeeer!!! And there was much rejoicing throughout the land! Also, the cats may now postpone their plans to kill us in our sleep .....

 And thus ended our epic journey . . . 

Would we do it again? In a heartbeat.
Just no pets.
And avoiding Texas at all costs (no offense to Texans--I'm sure the state is absolutely lovely, but it doesn't make for the best roadtripping path  . . . unless there are some awesome backroads we totally missed).

1 comment:

  1. i am amazed you did that for SIX days with 4 pets! crazy!!


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