Friday, March 21, 2014

Canoe Beast

Peeps, I think we're finally getting there.
I mean, I'm like one step closer to thirty.

 Not that it matters to me, really --except that I've noticed these two permanent creases between my brows. Chris says it's because, whenever I'm thinking or focused, my brows furrow. He says that now they're stuck that way. I say I need wrinkle cream. STAT.

I mean, I'm only 27 now, folks. Don't the wrinkles wait another few years?
Oh, well.
No use fighting it, right?
To fully explain my birthday, we have to go back to our anniversary a year ago during which Chris bought a fishing pole which he used for our anniversary weekend at Sanibel Island and then never again.
Until this Christmas when he decided he needed a new hobby.
But you can't just have a pole, oh no. Fishing, apparently, requires a great deal of random stuff necessary tools.

People, you know that book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie? Or, my personal favorite, If You Give A Moose a Muffin?
If you give a hubs a fishing pole, he wants a tackle box to go with it.
If you buy him a tackle box, he wants lures to fill it.
And once you buy him lures, he wants a license so he can use it all.
Then he decides fishing by himself is lonely, so he buys his wife a pole and license so she can come to. The lures he's willing to share, but only after he's bought one or two of every kind after deliberating for hours.
And once you have ALL of that, he decides he wants a Craigslist deal CANOE to put it all it.
Once he has said canoe, he realizes he wants anchors, ropes, and wheely things for moving and using the canoe beast that only fits in your townhouse "backyard" on a diagonal.
And once he has ALL of that, you will inevitably never use the canoe because it's too much of a hassle to get it through your house and onto the car, so you just stand fish from the shore instead.

My husband is Grumpy Cat.
For real.

Well, darn it all, folks, I was not about to have that money wasted.
So I asked for an adventure for my birthday.  I wanted to go canoeing, a childhood favorite, down the Elkhorn Slough--a marshland where freshwater and saltwater meet.
 It wasn't until we were attempted to haul Canoe Beast on top of my car that I realized this could bite us in the butt.
This took us an hour, folks.
An hour and a lot of blood, sweat, frustration, and trail and error.
 I hadn't requested a birthday adventure in four years because the last one resulted in my screaming  nonstop as we "hiked" through a "trail" next to a lake and flooded riverbed that was famous for housing fourteen-foot-long alligators. I don't mind sharks, I love snakes, heck spiders don't even bother me, but crocodiles? They scare the crap outta me. It's the eyes. They just look deep fried in pure evil. That and the whole death roll thing . . . ANYWAYS, as we battled the Canoe Beast, I worried that our canoe's "maiden voyage" down the Elkhorn Slough would turn into another "Lake Jessup."

Peeps, I am thrilled to say that it was a delightful success. Even getting Canoe Beast off then back onto the car wasn't so bad the next go-around.
We had tons of fun.  The weather was PERFECT--sunny but not hot--and we saw sea birds, seals, and SEA OTTERS!!!
We did between 5-6 miles round trip and learned Canoe Beast is sea-worthy.  Trying to cross the slough from one shoreline to another?? Big waves. Like this fun "up and down" movement suddenly got so intense we thought we were going to broadside/flip/ruin my camera (come on, that's all that really matters . . . forget the freezing water and attempting to right Canoe Beast, it's all about the Canon, folks). Peeps, I have never paddled with more purpose and fervor than in those desperate, bouncy, damp and terrifying moments.

Just a tip: guys, if you ever want your woman to paddle faster, start shouting sexist comments about her uterus. Even if she knows you're joking, she'll get so furious she turns into a flippin paddling MACHINE.

We were almost ready to give up and turn around when we found OTTERS!!!
We found a group of roughly six otters (maybe more). They were so cute! If you were really quiet, you could hear them smashing rocks against clam shells to crack them open :]

Can I just say that it is SO difficult to take in-focus pictures while your canoe is bouncing on the waves? Because it is.

Those lumps are sleepy seals!
We tried to get closer, but that was when the waves got too intense and we thought they were going to tip us.
We did, however, see a couple swimming on our way back. One kept peeking over the waves to watch us and then followed behind us a bit. It was so CUTE!!!

This little guy got close enough for me to get a decent super-zoom picture.
His mustache whiskers, peeps.
I can't handle it. I wanted to squeeze him and cover him in kisses!


  1. This looks amazing! I've only been canoeing once and my arms felt like rubber after. The otters are amazing! X

  2. Canoeing can be super hard work! I was surprised we weren't more sore the next day.
    I was SO happy we found the otters! I had given up hope that we would see any or, if we did, I wouldn't get pictures. But we did! It totally made my day! I'm glad you liked the pics!

  3. What an awesome birthday adventure! And I laughed so hard at the give a mouse a cookie scenario. It's quite believable to me. I observed the same thing last year, only on a smaller scale because it was all related to an xbox. I've been kayaking with Angel, never canoeing--I think he doesn't exactly trust that I'd be strong enough to do my part in steering and paddling a canoe. Kayaks tend to be lighter. And the camera is the first thing to worry about when you're in the water, of course!

  4. I'm pretty convinced the author of those "If You a ____ a ______" books was writing about her spouse. She had to be. Men require lots of stuff--sorry, tools. ;]
    I've only been kayaking once and do prefer it to canoeing--much easier to maneuver, but it would be much harder to use for fishing because the ones we could afford (not very many) were too shallow for fitting in a tackle box and fishing supplies.
    It's always about the camera, really ;]


Good morning, Starshine! The Earth says, "Hello!"