Because, you see, I can't think straight any more. Thoughts dark in an out of my head like flashing strobe lights, and I just have trouble forming coherent sentences any more. The hubs blames the cubicle. I'm inclined to agree.
ANYWAYS . . . .
1. I actually get really, REALLY cranky when I’m hungry. I didn’t realize how bad it was before until I went through a werewolf transformation this weekend. . .
Before Dinner: SARAH BEEAAAST!!!! HULK SMASH!!!! ALL LIFE MEANINGLESS!!!! ALL NOISE MUST STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!! GRAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
After Dinner: By Jove, what a spectacular evening we’re having! How on earth did all my dishes break? Oh well, no matter. Did you know I love you? Because I do, ole chap! You’re a dandy! Now, where are little furry creatures so I might snuggle them to bits?!
And, yes, I TOTALLY sound like a pompous English gentlemen.
Exactly, in fact.
Or not at all.
Before Dinner: SARAH BEEAAAST!!!! HULK SMASH!!!! ALL LIFE MEANINGLESS!!!! ALL NOISE MUST STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!! GRAAAAAAAAGH!!!!
After Dinner: By Jove, what a spectacular evening we’re having! How on earth did all my dishes break? Oh well, no matter. Did you know I love you? Because I do, ole chap! You’re a dandy! Now, where are little furry creatures so I might snuggle them to bits?!
And, yes, I TOTALLY sound like a pompous English gentlemen.
Exactly, in fact.
Or not at all.
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2. I think my puppy is a hussy.
Not even kidding . . . even though all her lady bits were removed . . .
Here's the thing: she absolutely does everything in her power to turn all of the hubs' attentino from me to herself.
For example: Chris and I are watching TV. I need a drink, so I stand up and walk to the kitchen, not ten feet away. I turn around, and my dog is IN MY SPOT lounging all over MY husband, all “Paint me like one of your French girls! . . . and while you’re at it, scratch my belly.”
While making eye contact with me all, “Is this your seat? Too bad!”
Shameless little floozy.
This means war, you know. And I bloody feed you.
If it had only happened once, it would be funny, but this sort of thing happens multiple times every day. The only good side to this is that she snuggles with me just as much . . . but Chris has always been her favorite . . . which is an issue because he’s my favorite, too . . . and, when he’s home, all of his attention belongs to ME, get it, canine?
Not even kidding . . . even though all her lady bits were removed . . .
Here's the thing: she absolutely does everything in her power to turn all of the hubs' attentino from me to herself.
For example: Chris and I are watching TV. I need a drink, so I stand up and walk to the kitchen, not ten feet away. I turn around, and my dog is IN MY SPOT lounging all over MY husband, all “Paint me like one of your French girls! . . . and while you’re at it, scratch my belly.”
While making eye contact with me all, “Is this your seat? Too bad!”
Shameless little floozy.
This means war, you know. And I bloody feed you.
If it had only happened once, it would be funny, but this sort of thing happens multiple times every day. The only good side to this is that she snuggles with me just as much . . . but Chris has always been her favorite . . . which is an issue because he’s my favorite, too . . . and, when he’s home, all of his attention belongs to ME, get it, canine?
Yes, I am totally aware that I am jealous of a dog . . . and that it’s ridiculous . . . but, seriously . . . .
3. “Pretty Little Liars” irritates me beyond reason . . . but I cannot pull my eyes away. It’s like a super bad train wreck . . . with a nuclear explosion . . . of high fashion and pretty men . . . and I can’t stop staring.
The whole Ezra/Aria thing weirds me out (actually, the whole re-occuring theme/situations of older guy/younger girl) . . . I have nothing against major age gaps (my parents are nine years apart, and that’s totally cool), I do have an issue with a 26 year-old unwaveringly wooing a dramatic, insecure 16 year old. I don’t find it cute. I don’t find him charming. I find him whipped and desperate. Aria’s just an irritating snob. BUT DON’T LET ANYTHING COME BETWEEN THEIR LOOOOOVE!!!!!
Also, I’ve never known ANY high school chick to dress like these girls . . . oh, yeah, and in completely different outfits EVERY. DAY. I know realism wasn’t exactly our goal, but COME ON.
In a final note, I do not understand a show about Queen Bees is so addicting . . . These girls are the embodiment of everything I can’t stand, and, here I am, cheering them on. Why am I rooting for them? WHY?!?!?!
The whole Ezra/Aria thing weirds me out (actually, the whole re-occuring theme/situations of older guy/younger girl) . . . I have nothing against major age gaps (my parents are nine years apart, and that’s totally cool), I do have an issue with a 26 year-old unwaveringly wooing a dramatic, insecure 16 year old. I don’t find it cute. I don’t find him charming. I find him whipped and desperate. Aria’s just an irritating snob. BUT DON’T LET ANYTHING COME BETWEEN THEIR LOOOOOVE!!!!!
Also, I’ve never known ANY high school chick to dress like these girls . . . oh, yeah, and in completely different outfits EVERY. DAY. I know realism wasn’t exactly our goal, but COME ON.
In a final note, I do not understand a show about Queen Bees is so addicting . . . These girls are the embodiment of everything I can’t stand, and, here I am, cheering them on. Why am I rooting for them? WHY?!?!?!
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4. I have a thing for nerds. Like bad.
Old news, right? See, I didn’t realize HOW much of a thing I had for nerds until I saw the new Bond film (which you totally need to see like right now). Here I am, enjoying the witty and oh-so-debonair exploit of Bond, James Bond, and then this slight little fellow with glasses pops on screen and starts discussing art . . . .
I no longer saw the muscular, fierce Daniel Craig.
I saw Ben Whishaw and ONLY Ben Whishaw.
Oh, gee and golly.
If I had to choose between Mr. Bond and this young new Q, I’d pick Q ten times.
And then I’d raid his closet because, my gosh, the sweaters!
I don’t know what this says about me . . . .
Old news, right? See, I didn’t realize HOW much of a thing I had for nerds until I saw the new Bond film (which you totally need to see like right now). Here I am, enjoying the witty and oh-so-debonair exploit of Bond, James Bond, and then this slight little fellow with glasses pops on screen and starts discussing art . . . .
I no longer saw the muscular, fierce Daniel Craig.
I saw Ben Whishaw and ONLY Ben Whishaw.
Oh, gee and golly.
If I had to choose between Mr. Bond and this young new Q, I’d pick Q ten times.
And then I’d raid his closet because, my gosh, the sweaters!
I don’t know what this says about me . . . .
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And those are all the significant thoughts my mind can formulate . . . and that "I like turtles" . . . name that internet reference :]
Too-da-loo!
You're so great! I love these ramblings so, so much!
ReplyDelete1) I'm a total beast in hunger mode as well. And I've seen that e-card and seriously LOVE IT because true. But I seriously LOL'D at your description. "Why are all the dishes broken? No matter." Hahaha yes! Yes yes!
2) whore dogs are the worst. Evans dog (NOT MINE) is also this way. She has to be all over him and constantly being touched or her life is over. I constantly send her away to the basement or the backyard because I refuse to deal with her whorish ways. I'm like an evil step mother.
3) I love pretty little liars SO much. And it's so so so dumb. I know this. But I can't look away. How unrealistic is it? I mean, COME. ON. Ezra/aria drives me CRAZY TOWN. He is so gross with his old man ways all in love with A BABY! A BABY! And she's a dramatic and let me tell you that no man over the age of like 21 wants to deal with that any more. Also, I'm so behind on this show. I need to catch up so I can laugh at how ridic it is.
Ha! I saw a similar e-card that said "I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry"....totally making a t-shirt that says that! Hubsy knows food always comes first in any situation.
ReplyDeleteI love that your dog's a hussy, too funny! But she does have an undeniable cuteness ;)
he totally looks like hubs!
ReplyDeleteno. 1 cracked me up.=)