The Secret Lives of Husbands (or How My Husband is Morphing into an Almost-Hoarder)

Peeps, as I type this, you must realize I am not doing this to avoid the oppressive mountain of boxes and mess looming over me in my storage unit/house. No, I am giving you a warning.

When children are in your midst, make them clean out their closets .

Or else one day, their spouses will pay the price. Like me, the spouse will be feeling rather accomplished at his/her work of unpacking, and then your all grown-up child will come home, and announce to his/her spouse, "Hey! I finally cleaned out my closet at my parents' house!"

This is the first statement indicating something is wrong. You shouldn't still have things stashed away at mom and dad's two years after glorious nuptials. At least, I didn't think so. I could be wrong.


Then, he/she says, "I have to unload the whole SUV, be right back."

Wait, what? An entire SUV? Of old toys, "family heirlooms," and instruments? And books? And  . . . a WHOLE SUV FULL??? Of old stuff???

This is my evening. As my husband returns to grab the toy chest he missed. Perhaps he's right, perhaps it really won't take up much space. And perhaps our future children will want to turn the broken spear gun into a Star Wars blaster. Perhaps.

And maybe the useless 1500 watt light bulb really is connected to my husband's soul and not a destiny with the trashcan.Perhaps.
Though, I admit, it's an interesting novelty piece. But that's about it.

Had there been any more stuff, I may have submitted him to Hoarders . . . though I doubt he'd make it as he only has a room of odd items and not a whole house. It's not about to go that far. Not on MY watch.

I may have convinced him to throw out an old sling shot.

This could be big news.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to polish his saber to hang over my fireplace . . . or something.

And he just threw a fake spider at me because he knows I'm typing this.
Ha, ha, Chris.
Ha. Ha.